


Desperate Voices

by hotelcortez



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, M/M, Short but sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 21:22:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotelcortez/pseuds/hotelcortez
Summary: Felix didn’t care about easy.Changbin didn’t want to have to fight.They both knew that they couldn’t be together, not like this.





	Desperate Voices

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii
> 
> so i know this is a lot shorter than my usual stuff but i drabbled this today and i  
kinda liked it. it’s a little too sad for twitter so i decided to post it here <3
> 
> please heed tags!!
> 
> enjoy xx

“Please,” the word cracked as it left Felix’s lips, sounding so pathetic, so desperate, as Changbin paused at the sound of it, “Please.”

There was a suffocating pause, silence stretching thin as even Felix’s sobs didn’t interrupt it. He was too busy holding his breath, praying that the storm inside him would start to calm down. He couldn’t carry on like this, he couldn’t keep begging with the awful emotion knotting horribly within him.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Changbin said quietly, throat strained with more than just pain. His eyes were angry as he turned around, riddled with sorrow and heartbreak and a small ounce of denial that Felix wished he could hold onto himself, “I don’t know what you’re begging me for.”

“I’m begging you to stay,” Felix whispered without thinking, the tears still gathering on his face, sweater paws soaking through as he pressed them against his cheeks, “Why can’t you stay?”

“You know why,” Changbin didn’t hesitate, the emotion in his eyes only getting stronger as he spoke. He sounded so sure of himself, so certain of everything he was saying, but Felix knew he was only pleading to be understood, “We’re not meant to be together, not like this.”

“Of course, we’re meant to be together,” Felix said through his tears, the lump in his throat only getting harder to reach around as he carried on, “All these years, Changbin. All these years we’ve loved and laughed and had so much fun. What about all that? Was that not meant to be?”

Changbin practically froze at the words, his head dropping and his hands coming to cover his face and a breath so deep racking through his entire body. He didn’t look at Felix for a long time, didn’t move at all, didn’t even react to Felix’s sobs getting louder in front of him. He just… stood there, eyes hidden by his fingers and posture gradually drooping as he silently worked through it.

When he finally did straighten up, Felix had fallen onto the sofa behind him and Changbin looked down at him through unshed tears.

“We were lucky to get the years that we did,” Changbin forced the words out, failing to keep the pain from his tone, “Everything we had was beautiful, but we knew it wouldn’t last. We were stupid to let it go on so long.”

“Stupid?” Felix practically yelled, springing up from his seat to half-glare, half-glower at Changbin, “Stupid?! To fall in love?! To enjoy being together?! We were so perfect. The stupid thing would have been to deny that.”

“If that’s what you think, Felix,” Changbin responded calmly, too calmly for Felix’s pounding heart, “Stupid or not, it would have just been easier to stay apart.”

Felix’s chest tightened at the admittance, a fresh new wave of agony blazing through him as he closed his eyes, letting out another brutal sob into his hands.

“I don’t want ‘easier’,” Felix’s pained tone was muffled by the sleeve of his hoodie, “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

Changbin’s eyes also closed, a sigh rocking deep within his chest before he opened them again, “I want you too, Felix, you know that. But you also know it can’t happen. You’re just making this harder.”

“I’ve already told you I don’t care if it’s easier or harder!” Felix was yelling again, mouth tearing and heart hurting as he did, “If you loved me, if you really loved me, you wouldn’t care either.”

“Felix,” Changbin’s face was stricken with shock, his feet involuntarily taking him a step back as the look in his eyes slipped suddenly from strength to vulnerability, “Don’t tell me I don’t love you. Don’t ever tell me that. You know I love you. You know, don’t you?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Felix sobbed, “How am I supposed to know when you’re leaving? When you’re ending all of this because you’d rather life be easy than spend it with me?”

“Of course, I love you,” Changbin was sobbing now too, his shoulders shaking as his entire face contorted with pain, “Please, please know that. Please know that I love you.”

“Then show me!” Felix pushed away the hands that reached for him, ignored the sympathetic and desperate look boring into him, “Show me you love me! Stay with me. Stay with me and love me.”

“You know…” Changbin choked on his words, clutching his hands to his chest and staring at the floor as he heaved brutally, “You know I can’t do that. Y-you’re a Lee and I’m a Seo, they’ll never let us be together. They’ll never let us be happy. Why should we put ourselves through that?”

“Because we’ll be together!” Felix shouted to Changbin’s hunched form, “I don’t care what we have to go through. I don’t care about how much I have to fight. I can do anything when I’m with you, Changbin. I can do anything if it means I get to be with you.”

The sound of Felix’s feet echoed across the floor as he walked closer and closer to Changbin, his words clashing over the noises as he begged to be understood, every inch of his skin seizing with unbearable emotion.

“Why can’t you fight for me?” Felix whispered brutally, “Why can’t you fight for us?”

Something broke inside Changbin.

The question blazed like lightning through his mind as he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, weeping and crying as his tears suffocated his fingertips and his eyes started to swell and Felix just cried silently as he watched. He wanted nothing more than to reach out to Changbin, to cradle him and hold him and tell him it was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t do that… because it wasn’t going to be okay.

There was a distance between them now, an unspoken stab of pain in the air. They both wanted each other, they both wanted each other so badly, but not like this.

Neither of them knew how much love should hurt you before you pushed it away. Neither of them knew how much they had to risk before drawing the line. Neither of them knew whether their happiness would be worth it if they had to destroy themselves along the way.

“I’m sorry, Felix,” Changbin sniffled, his voice tearing with the need to be understood, “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t”

A devastating splinter cracked through Changbin’s voice on the word ‘can’t’ and Felix could only nod, his heart shattering at the overwhelming defeat pulsing through his veins.

“Just go,” he forced out through his lips, his soul scorching with pain as he watched Changbin cast one look out the door, “Just go and be happy, Seo Changbin.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading that little mind explosion, it’s not my usual style so i hope it’s still okay <3
> 
> twitter: @hotelfelixxie
> 
> have a beautiful day and take care!!xxx


End file.
